A Simple Life

I recently bought The Art of Simple Food by Alice Waters. Not to be too dramatic, it's changing my life. The author calls it a delicious revolution and I couldn't agree more. Although, truthfully, there are many people around the world who have always cooked simply, and continue to do so. The book is asking those people who have come to rely on faster convenient foods to think about the quality of the food they choose, and about the beauty of the eating ritual. Food is necessary for our entire well-being, not just as fuel. Ms Waters speaks about eating locally and seasonally, and although this is not ground breaking news in today's environmentally-conscious world, the way the book is presented is. She teaches her readers to move away from recipe-dependency, and to move towards cooking intuitively and simply. This is a complet change for me - a compulsive recipe follower. She gives us the basics - simple tools necessary in the kitchen, as well as simple techniques such as roasting and making broths. She then gives a few receipes for each technique to be practiced often. The last part of the book is filled with even more recipes, each of which will be learned and put into rotation at my house.

The "simple" way of approaching things is what is resonating with me. Life is so busy and chaotic sometimes, that pulling back from that, and just sitting down and reflecting is how I cope. I've had a lot of ups and downs recently, been busy with so many different things (but at the same time feel I have not really got anywhere), and I want to just sit back, reflect, and enjoy the everday activities. I don't want cooking after work to be a chore anymore - I want it to be a time of reconnecting with my husband and relaxing and recharging. I don't want running a household to be a chore anymore - I want it to be an enjoyable part of life. I don't want to be forever putting off creative ideas and activities for lack of time, or for feeling that something other must be done first. Looking back at how I approach life, I realize that this desire has always been there for me - when I first moved out on my own, I sat down for weeks in a row and copied some of my mother's recipes onto 3.5 x 5 cards, handwriting them in a fountain pen, instead of just photocopying the pages; I get great pleasure from digging a new garden - just smelling the dirt and thinking of the potential of the garden; I am thrilled when I take a freshly baked loaf of bread out of the oven, made completely from scratch. But these are just moments in the middle of stress and work and busy-ness. I want more.

I've spent a few months now reflecting on big things. I've recently finished the second of two unsuccesul rounds of IVF, and have decided not to try again. We are uncertain whether we will be adopting, or moving forward in life without children. Either way takes a re-organization of our ideas and thoughts and dreams of the past 5 or 6 years years which were concentrated on the goal of having kids. Either way, I want to move on from the stress and heaviness of the past several years, and enjoy the here and now, instead of forever waiting for the future to happen. Guess what, I've blinked and almost a decade has gone by.

We are now in a new house, in town (we were way out in the country before), and are reconnecting with friends and family. Now is the perfect time to start enjoying now. I've taken a couple of days off work, and am sitting in my new back yard, messy as it is, sitting enjoying a coffee, barefoot in the grass, sitting under a tree, smelling the lilacs from the neighbours, watching a bird feed her new babies, listening to the wind in the leaves, and planning future 'now' moments.

The weather outside is frightful!

This is what fall is supposed to be like! Not so, here. The winds are ferociously blowing outside and the trees are swaying back and forth in response. All the colourful leaves are being blown off the trees and whipped across our property. The rain is coming down and it's icy cold - threatening to turn to snow later this afternoon if I believe the weather channel. The sky is completely grey and the only bright colour out there is the maroon from the sumac fruit (a learning moment: the fruit stacks are called bobs!), and the bright ocean blue of the damn inflatable pool that I've yet to roll up and bring into the shed.

Today calls for something homey and yummy! It's a good think I bought a bag of local apples recently - I'll make apple crisp! I take out my ceramic pie dish and place it on the counter. Not that your pie dishes must be ceramic, I just like the feel of this one. Mine is just plain beige, not cranberry like the one online. It sets the tone for whatever I'm going to make - it says: "whatever you bake in me is going to be yummy and delicious and smell like home". Then I cough loudly and look away, and try to look cool after imitating the pie dish talking outloud.... I like the ceramic ones too as they "cure" like a cast-iron pan over time, making them naturally non-stick.

I cut up the apples in wedges, taking out the cores, and put them in the pie dish (maybe about 10 small apples). Next, I take a bowl and mix up:

• 1 cup brown rice (or other non-gluten) flour
• 1 1/2 cups old fashioned oats (see note below)
• 2/3 cup of brown sugar (see other note below)
• 1/2 little tub of Fleishmann's non-salted margarine (or casein-friendly: 1 stick butter)

Use a pastry cutter or a couple of knives to chop up the margarine into the flour and oats, to a coarse texture. Once mixed, pour the topping all over the apples and pop the whole dish into the oven for 50 minutes at 375F. Perfect for a day like today!

Note on oats: oats are naturally gluten-free, however, since most oats are processed in a mill/factory where other flours are being milled, the companies cannot guarantee that they are gluten-free (including Bob's Red Mill for most of their oats). There are, however, some companies that now have guaranteed gluten-free oats (including Bob's Red Mill).

Note on brown sugar: I adjust the amount of sugar according to whatever fruit I use - if the fruit is more naturally sweet like peaches, I'll use less, but if it is more tart, or I add in berries, I'll use more.

Note on my ineptitude: I went to take a picture of this super crisp, and found the batteries were dead. Left the camera on last time I downloaded pictures :( So, no picture this time of food. I'll try to be less of a useless blogger next time.

Buckwheat Zydeco Pancakes

It was Saturday morning. I knew I'd be home slogging it out on the laptop for much of the day, working :(. I needed something hearty to get me through the day! I looked in the fridge... wasn't feeling like eggs. I was feeling like bacon, but we didn't have any. Hmm... what to make? Oatmeal? Ok... but guy doesn't like oatmeal very much. He eats it if he has to, but only if it's slathered in fruit and brown sugar and yogurt and nuts and everything else in the pantry that could effectively hide the "bland" taste of the oats.

Then I remembered the entry from Gluten Free Girl where she talks about her husband not being into oats as much as she is. She had come up with a recipe for pancakes, which incorporated cooked oats, and her husband loved them! I decided to do the same thing. I guess it's a bit like hiding the veggies in chocolate sauce so your kids eat them. Or wrapping your dog's flea pills in meat (which only works if your dog is not so smart - ours used to neatly lick off all the meat and then, just as neatly, spit out the whole pill, and then would look at us with a look that said: "Really? You think I'm that dumb? Come on, people, give me more credit than that!" And then he'd walk away, rolling his eyes at us and shaking his head, laughing.)

So, Shauna uses sweet rice flour and oat flours in her pancakes, neither of which I had. I did have regular white rice flour, so decided to use that. My other choices were brown rice, corn, potato, or buckwheat flours. I decided to try the buckwheat, as I had been wanting to try it, and hadn't yet had the chance. I knew from reading about 'alternative' flours that buckwheat gives an earthy flavour (so good for breads and such). And, despite its name, is not related to wheat in any way. Plus it has a cool name - I can't seem to stop at buckwheat, I have to say buckwheat zydeco, and that is just plain fun on a Saturday morning. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

Ok, back to the kitchen. I made the pancakes following her recipe, but substituting the rice flour for the sweet rice flour, and the buckwheat (zydeco!) flour for the oat flour. They, of course, ended up being much darker than in her picture, and they were absolutely DELISH! Guy loved them too! We sprinkled ours with icing sugar, and then drizzled maple sugar (well, maybe a little more than drizzled) all over the top. Yum yum!

Bon appetit, mes amis!

Crispy Cheese Chow Mein

This is an entry to file under both "succesful" and "not so succesful". A couple of weeks ago, my guy and I (my husband? the man who lives in my house? my love? the oak to my elm?) decided to make pizza from scratch. It's Friday night, the music is turned up, the wine is flowing, and we've still to decide which recipe to use. I found what looked to be a fairly good and simple recipe at the website for Capers Market, which is under the umbrella of Whole Foods Market in Vancouver. I just checked the website for the on-line version of the recipe and it appears they've changed things and taken the recipes down, so I'll type it out below. Anyway, I made the dough, following the recipe, and it turned out great, thankfully! We put our organic tomato sauce on the bottom, and we chopped up all our toppings - green peppers, onions, tomatoes, pepperoni, mushrooms, broccoli, and CHEESE.

We made two pizzas - one for guy, and one for me. The one for guy had real cow cheese... mmm... yummy and melty. One half of mine was plain (just the toppings listed above), and the other half was loaded with the toppings, plus casein-free cheese - I wanted to give myself an out in case my cheese failed me. I chose a soy cheese, as, believe it or not, most of the non-cow cheese alternatives made with rice actually have dairy in them. All the rice cheeses that I've checked include casein as one of the main ingredients to give it, well, a cheesy consistency and taste. The soy cheese I used does not have casein, and that was the main reason I chose it - plus, it was the only casein-free option at my local grocery store.

So you don't confuse this product with cow cheese, the packaging calls it: Galaxy Nutritional Foods Vegan Soy Block (Mozarella Flavor). I grated up my lovely soy block, and put it on half the pizza. I was very excited. I hadn't had cheese since May. I was maybe a little too excited - really, it's only cheese. (Sometimes I catch myself doing senseless things. I had to ask myself, really? I'm jumping up and down over soy block? Yes, yes I was, and many of you people who are deprived of cheese, and are given a glimpse of cheesy hope would have been jumping up and down too).

I put the pizza in the oven and held my breath.

I watched the pizzas get warm.

I watched guy's pizza starting to ooze and bubble and look golden and melty.

I watched half of my pizza start to burn.

Seriously, the shredded soy block was just getting crispy. There was no melting. There was no oozy goodness, there was no more jumping up and down. I had to look away. I had to convince myself everything would be fine in the end.

It wasn't.

15 mintues later, we were eating our pizzas. I basically had to get over my cheesy excitement, and accept the fact that my pizza was italian-asian fusion, as there was nothing else to compare my grated cheese to than crispy chow mein.

Has anyone had casein-free cheese success? Let me know!

Here's the pizza recipe:

3/4 cup organic milk (about 110F) - I used casein-free rice milk
1/2 tsp honey
2/3 cup brown rice flour
1/2 cup tapioca flour
1 Tbsp cornstarch
1 envelope instant yeast
1 Tbsp xanthan gum - more on this later, it's an excellent binder and emulsifier
1/2 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp basil
1/2 tsp oregano
1/4 tsp garlic
1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp apple cider vinegar

Preheat oven to 425F. Dissolve yeast in a small bowl with milk and honey. Set aside. Sift together brown rice flour, tapioca flour, cornstarch, xanthan gum, sea salt and spices. Whisk olive oil and vinegar together. Add to dry mixture. Mix. Add milk and yeast. Mix well. The dough shoud be soft and pliable. Turn onto a (rice) floured work surface and knead gently for about a minute. Roll or pat dough into a 12-inch round, place on a pizza stone or lightly oiled pan. Crimp edges to hold in toppings. Bake for 10 minutes. Remove from oven, add toppings and bake 15-20 minutes longer, or until the crust is lightly browned.

Time to share

Well hello there, interwebs... it's been a while.

You might remember me from such blogs as... well, this one, just a long time ago.

I was talking to a friend at work today (hi!) who was telling me about a blog he started recently. It's a catch-all for all the resources he comes across for his hobbie - he thought it would be helpful for others as a place to learn the techniques of the trade through photos and video, and as a community for appreciation for the sport. It made me think about information and community and sharing - and how you can't have the middle one without the last one, or the last one without the first one.

I'd been thinking a lot recently about starting to write again, and this conversation is what jumpstarted me to be sitting here, in front of my screen, and typing again in the familiar "create post" section of this site. That, and several recent events.

This past summer I found out something about myself - I am allergic to both gluten and dairy! This diagnosis by a naturopath came after feeling bad for a long time. Trying to put my finger on it spefically is difficult, but I would say that I hadn't felt really well in close to a decade. Tired, blotchy skin, bloating, painful and hard stomach, forever feeling like I was coming down with a cold, along with hypothyroidism. I decided to see a naturopath in the early spring, and starting the next day, I spent a month on an elimination diet. Starting two days later, I felt a million times better! The stomach pains starting going away, the bloating started going away, my skin started clearing up, and I was less tired. I had more energy than I had had in a long time. I had eliminated most sugars, gluten, dairy, citrus, and "moldy" items like peanuts, mushrooms, etc. After the month was over, I brought back one item at a time, over 48 hours, and was easily able to tell the things that did not agree with me - definitely dairy, and definitely gluten, along with some citrus. I also eventually did an "official" test, and the results came back as allergic to gluten (protein found in wheat, barley, malt, and rye) and casein (dairy protein).

Pretty bad news for someone whose favourite meal included cheese on a french baguette!

Since the summer, I have been fairly strict about not eating either of those things, and have been feeling a lot better, and have lost some weight. My gains have been tempered somewhat with some stressful issues this summer (mostly work...) but overall, I feel tons better than I have in years.

It has definitely all been a huge learning curve for me - what does and does not contain gluten and/or dairy, what substitutions I can make, what other things there are in the world (teff? amaranth? wha?) to eat. Above all, it has been a lesson in listening to my body. When I unknowingly eat those items, I can tell right away. I can hear my body a little louder now - it's not so stifled under the big loaf of wheat bread.

So, as my friend is starting to do, I'd like to share my experience - through all the learning about new foods, about re-learning how to bake, and about my life in general in a gfcf context.

So, stick around, it'll be fun. Plus you'll get to laugh at all my bread failures. Or, maybe, you're looking for some gfcf goodness. I know there are a lot of gluten-free websites (I like: Gluten Free Gobsmacked and Gluten Free Girl ), and some dairy-free ones too, but not many that combine the two. So maybe, you just love food and arts and crafts and life in general, or you are here for other reasons.

Welcome!

kung f.... whoops!

Given that:
- I was in the elevator at work by myself
- I had a test tonight to advance another sash level in kung fu
- I wanted to practise my high kicks
- I can now kick much higher than I used to
- I guess I don't realize the size of my own foot

I shouldn't be surprised, when:
- the security desk phoned the elevator after I had accidentally hit the HELP! button when I thought I was just going for the "close door" button

And be hopeful that:
- there are no cameras in there and they don't realize that when I replied "ooops, I hit the wrong button, sorry, heehee!" I meant with my foot and not my finger.

greedy mcseedstealer

Last night we left the doors open to our balcony off the bedroom as the air was hot and muggy, but left the screen door closed. It rained during the night, and was pretty windy, but it felt good to stir the air in the room. In the middle of the night, we both awoke to some strange noises - not the wind-blowing noises we'd fallen asleep to... this was something very odd. It kind of sounded like someone was shoving something... then it sounded like someone wheezing (!) ... then it sounded a bit like something growling (!!) ... then I just plain thought it was a bear digging around for some food (!!!). We both got up and went outside, slowly walking to the edge of the balcony to see what was there.

Just a raccoon! That's ok, that's pretty normal in the country. The fact that he was eating birdseed that had fallen from the bird feeder above kind of pissed me off - get your own food, buster! The fact that he was eating birdseed that was being shaken down to the deck by the other raccoon hanging from the birdfeeder by his LEFT ARM was what was so alarming about the whole scene! It was the hanging guy who was doing all the grunting and snuffling and wheezing. The little bugger must have jumped up to get more seeds, and got his little opposable thumb caught and was trying to get down.

We went back to bed, he eventually got out and left with his buddy, and then we were left awake and dealing with the damn mosquitos that got in while the door was open while we were watching the raccoons. Do you think they're all working together?

I heart Carol

There's something about Carol Shields' books that I love so much. Perhaps it's because of the things she writes about in the books are things I like or am familiar - quilting, and sewing, gardening, literature, academia. I'm currently re-reading Happenstance where the wife, Brenda, goes to Philladelphia for a Craft Conference and shows off her quilts. Possibly, it's just a continuation of my current desire to get back into making things, but her writing also illuminates many of the things I am drawn to. The way she talks about the fabric and shapes of the pieces in her quilts, or the connection to her stitches. Apart from the crafty-talk, there's the way this woman examines past experiences, her doubts and confusion, her body, her desires... I feel like I'm coming home when I open one of her books.

Larry's Party is one of my favourite books as well, the way she writes about his connection to the landscape, and his mindful musings on his garden mazes. So beautiful. It's funny, but as I think right now, I don't often read books where the protaganist is male, but I love Larry (even though he's such a loser in so many ways), and I love Jack in the other half of Happenstance (kind of two novels in one). They are so vulnerable, so bewildered, and so tender while also being everything else. I love that. I love the "awakenings" that the characters have as well - they are so human, and so beautiful. It's often just a moment, or an understanding, usually something small, that triggers a wonderful awareness in the characters. Even though they continue with their lives, often continuing in much the same way, they are different, often happier. When I think back to the characters after I've put the books down, I can't help but smile and think of the tenderness of life, how confusing and disruptive and changing and painful and beautiful it all is.

Holy house!

Well, it turns out we have a bit of a holey house. Litterally, with holes in it, in addition to the temple-like qualities I think it has. We moved into the house last June, so this was our first winter in the house. I was in the bathroom the other day and looked to my right to see the latex paint we just painted a month ago, litterally sliding down the wall! There was a bubble of water behind it, and it was bubbling the paint, and moving slowly down. Cool to look at, not so cool to deal with. The water must be getting in under the outside window sill. In the basement, too, there is a hole where a cable comes into the basement. Who would drill a hole into their foundation? Shouldn't the cable come in above ground, then go down? Oh well, so there's water coming in there too. Neither leak is too big right now (not flooding the floor or anything), but with the very warm tempuratures and the snow all melting, it will keep leaking for a while.

I'm not too worried about the holiness, as it will give us the chance to do more basic house work, as soon as it warms up. We'll learn how to fix the foundation from the outside, and learn to caulk all the windows properly, and make everything tight and dry. My husband's a good diy drywaller, so the wall in the bathroom, although annoying to have to redo, will, I'm sure look great :)

We went to kung fu this morning, all decked out in our new white beginner sashes. For the first month or two, we were called "basics", with no sash at all. So now, we feel like we've made some progress and are starting to feel more comfortable with some of the easier moves. We've noticed a change in our bodies, as well. Not huge, like insta-hot-bods but definitely a progress in the amount of pushups (50 today!) or situps or anything. Also, I've noticed a difference in the strength of my punches too. We started taking the classes as a way to do an active activity together, so we were spending time doing something together, as well as getting fit. Both are working out great! I never thought I'd see my husband doing jumping jacks but there you go. His biseps are beefing up totally too, which is very hot :) Ok, I'll stop talking like a damsel with fluttering eyelids :)

I like the self-defence aspect of this type of kung-fu we're taking. It's basically a new-wave wing chung style (like Bruce Lee did) mixed with boxing and kick-boxing, and some basic aerobics and weight training (mostly using your own body weight). We do lots of stretchy warmups and breathing techniques and then spend most of the class learning combat techniques, and then spend the last 10 or so minutes on super intense pushing your self weight-training/aerobically style activities (called stations which you do for a couple of minutes at a time) like squats or pushups or situps or single leg stands, or medicine ball drills or ... Crazy, but fun - they blast the music and everyone pumps out there max. The school really pushes you while at the same time, doesn't over extend anyone past their capabilities. Nobody's counting to make sure you're keeping up. If you get tired, you stop, and then try again when you can. Everyone is open and friendly, anyone who knows more than the partner they have for that session ALWAYS helps out and teaches and encourages. It's quite a community.

The whole class has been really good for me. It's pushed me to feel and do and acknowledge things I didn't know about myself. Like how far my body will support me, how little some muscles have been worked throughout my life, how flexible I am in some ways, and rigid in others, how excited I am about progressing and feeling my body getting stronger and stronger, how much an actual warrior I really am, and how I've never let that side of myself show. Well, that's not true as I think I've always been pretty "fiesty" but I mean in a centred and controlled way, from a place that comes from inner strength as well as muscular strength.

In other news, the house is cleaning up nicely. I know I've been talking about cleaning it for ages now, but since we spent two hours in the car each day commuting, and have lots of after work activites, there isn't that much time for housework. The main floor is definitely shaping up. Oh! Our new couch was delivered yesterday. Omigod it's like sitting on a block of creamy butta. So creamy and soft and comfy. Definitely a thing of beauty.

Have a great weekend!!

Saturday chat

Well, it's Saturday morning, and I haven't slept much all night because of a cold I got from work. At least that's where I assume I got it, since none of my family members have it - well, not yet ;) 9 times out of 10 when I get a cold, it's my body saying "please slow down!" and yes, I've been a very busy bee recently, and my body just wants to sit down and have a lazy weekend. Trouble is, it's my husband's birthday soon, so I jam packed today with activities, and we've got a fun day planned. Also the house is in a tumble. We've been painting lots of rooms, and so much of the furniture is in piles in the middle of each room. So tomorrow, yes, I will be relaxing, but I will start putting the house back together. So still lots of things to do around here, but I'll slow down a little, and make sure to have some tea and keep hydrated too. And maybe take a nap here and there!

We are heading out to the Interior Design show this afternoon. You're all like wha? The design show is part of his birthday activities? yup. I really don't know how I got so lucky as to end up with a guy that would rather go shopping for a couch than hang out with the boys watching a sports game. I'm sure this leads to many assumptions about him, but really! He's very manly! He races cars! He plays the drums! It's just that he only emigrated to Canada as a ten year old, and he never grew up playing sports at school, so it was never a part of his life. It's so funny that over the breakfast table he can be looking at his favourite magazine, Grassroots Motorsports, and then put it down and pick up his next favourite, Met Home. :) The Design show should be fantastic, it looks like there will be lots of contemporary design companies in town there.

So, after the Design show, we're heading out to go go-carting! Woohoo! There's an indoor place where the carts go really quite fast, and it's a load of fun. I'm not sure I could pick another activitiy that is more disparate than the design show! hahah. After the fast cars, we are meeting up with friends and family for a big loud dinner downtown at a southern-style seafood place, which should be a load of fun too.

As I mentioned, we've been doing a lot of painting around the house. We recently did several rooms in the house and once the house is all put back together I will take pictures and post them. I think we even have enough "before" pictures from when we were buying the house last year to do some good before-and-after shots.

I'm usually a pretty crafty person, and am always either sewing, or gluing, or cutting, or constructing some pretty thing. Since we started looking for a new house, selling the old, buying the new, moving and unpacking last year, I haven't done a single thing. I set up my craft room months ago, but without the rest of the house looking more like I wanted it to, my energy wasn't into crafts. I'm looking forward to being able to come home from work, relax, and head up to my craft room for an evening of sewing and playing with paper. I know, I know, I could do it now! But my virgo self does not work like that. EVERYTHING needs to be organized before I start something. God I hope this doesn't mean I have to redesign the landscape as well, before I can make my next little journal! Although virgo, and love things to be pretty and organized, I've also spent my whole life pulling back and forth between an "organized" life and and "chaotic" life. Even though I like things in their place, I can live with a very high level of chaos before it bothers me. I am able to ignore the chaos in some cases, but in others, it sends me into fits of need for clean. Aah the conflicts of life ;)

Since my office isn't set up, my "real" computer isn't set up, so I'm just using the laptop we have. This means I don't have access to my "favourite links" for all the blogs I love. I've read tons of blogs over the last few years, and still go back once in a while to some of them. However, recently, I'm spending much more time away from the computer and so have only been reading a few really good ones. Many of my new favourites are crafty blogs. My absolute most favourite one right now is Rosy Little Things. Alicia owns the cutest little shop in Portland, and writes about her business and her favourite crafty things. She's very inspiring to me - she left her job years ago and remembered that as a child she used to sew and design things. While on sick leave, she started sewing again, and loved it so much that she never went back, and opened up a studio instead! Now she loves being a shop lady in her own store, and sells all sorts of cute things, as well as the things she creates. The aesthetics of her shop and handmade goodies and blog are so cute, and actually, really quite different than a lot of the things I have in my own home. But they remind me of things I used to love as a kid, and they are bringing out the girly side of me which has been neglected over time. And they remind me too of spending time in the south of france when I was younger, for some reason. Anyway, I love this shop too cuz I think Alicia is the bees knees. I bought a handbag from her a couple of years ago, and spoke with her on the phone and she was so nice. Then I got an email from her about a year later, saying she was seeing a new dentist with my same last name (pretty unique name), and wanted to know if we were related! Now that's knowing your client list! I'm not related to her dentist, but I still think she's a cutie-patootie. She's also inspiring me to finally get the house back in order, and start making some fun crafty stuff.

Ok, time to wake up my boy and start our day-o-birthday-fun! I'll have to remember to pack some kleenex and Halls though... Have a great weekend!

More than a thousand words

Since I really don't feel like talking out loud these days, some pretty pictures to keep you happy:

my recent bliss and gratitude

• having the only house on the street that sells in 5 weeks. all the others that were for sale at the same time are still on the market
• having a closing date for both the old and new houses that fell into place perfectly
• having enough friends and trucks and beer and food to create a smooth and seamless move on the hottest day of the year
• birthday suit suntanning on the balcony completely hidden from the road
• a place in the country that feels like you are heading out to camp every night
• early coffee on the balcony, where my husband says "i think mornings are now my favourite time of the day"
• a change in mindset - from everybody cares! to who cares!
• a new permanent job that will allow me the time and money to do what I really want to do - to live life fully and out LOUD
• the drive to and from the house - farms, fields, horses, cows, deer, trees, open skies, and wildflowers
• friends coming to warm the new house with guitar licks and laughter
• drum circles at 1am with oscar, my newest 3rd year old buddie, after he had said "one more song!" for the twelve time, and just before he closed his eyes and went to sleep, dreaming in music
• hula-hooping at midnight in the rain
• a crush on a boy with angel eyes
• staying up to watch the sun come up
• the beauty and rarity of my three favourite girls
• a house full of creative, funny, vibrant, fantastic people
• brunch for 10, coffee for 100
• refreshing pool time in this hot and humid summer
• badminton and volleyball on a lazy lazy lazy saturday afternoon
• looking at my legs and arms, and seeing the same thing I did 25 years ago - mosquito bites, shrub scratches, freckles, and brown skin - all reflective of a perfect summer day
• pink toenails against a blue pool bottom
• little linus and his dimples
• meeting new friends and rekindling old relationships
• homemade juice popsicles
• dancing with my eyes closed for hours on end
• healing words and people
• my body, for easily finding those old dancing moves, ones I haven't done in months as I was busy with the "rest of my life"
• signs from out there - showing me the way, showing me how to slow down, reminding me everything's ok
• freedom and letting go
• seeing my husband letting go in the same way

funny

We got the keys to the new house today! Woohoo! We are moving this weekend and I've been busy packing and haven't written anything new in a while. Probably won't for a few more days, especially while all the computer-y fancy techno stuff gets taken apart here and re-engineered at the new place. Till then, here is a very funny website: threadbared - they take old sewing pattern pictures and make fun of them :)

a rest

So I didn't do much packing this weekend, even though we move in two weeks. I was still pretty mopey about my pup, and I got a cold of sorts on Friday which made me groggy. Mix in the heat wave, and lack of sleep throughout the week, I was one tired lady. I did some packing on Saturday morning, and then got ready to meet my friend to go to the spa!

We had made our appointments a while ago, and it ended up being the perfect day. I was definitely needing some rest and relaxation, and the spa was perfect. May I repeat it once more: this spa was perfect! I got a facial and a pedicure, and it was exactly the right mix of relaxation and girl-time that I needed to make me feel better. They have a very annoying flash-ful website, but the actual building is fantastic. It's an old building that's been renovated and added on to, but it has kept a lot of the charm of the older structure. The facial was great - really nice organic products, and a lot of massage and tender care. The pedicure we got was a stone peddie - they use warm stones to massage your legs and feet before doing all the rest of the footie-type stuff. Worth the extra five bucks! You are allowed to bring your own wine and snacks, so next time we go, we will definitely take a bottle of champagne and some cheese and fruit for a perfectly lovely afternoon.

Seriously, it was exactly what the healer ordered. I definitely recommend it if you are looking for good spa services at a decent price. It let me step back and take some time to relax and not feel pressured about the move. And the bonus on top of this day? My family came over and brought tapas for dinner and I didn't have to lift a finger, except for stopping at the beer store on the way home for my favourite beer and maybe cut some bread. And the extra extra bonus? The beautiful yellow bouquet of flowers my sister had delivered from a lovely store in Manotick, full of gerberas, lillies, orchids, roses, and greenery, just to lift my spirits. The toast that night was definitely to the best family in the world.

Sunday consisted of a lot of continued relaxation - in bed till noon, brunch in front of fave tv shows, more reading of a good book, sitting in the back yard, and meeting my husband for dinner out. yummies! Oh yeah, I also think I packed one box.

we'll miss you

Warlock lost his battle tonight. He had not been doing well this week, wasn't eating at all and was weak and really slowing down. We took him to the vet tonight and he had become so anemic through all the blood loss that the inside of his mouth had lost all its colour. We took him for a little walk around the block to decide what to do (or rather, when... tonight, or wait another few days?). The vet said his heart was so weak he was going to start fainting, and a heart attack was imminent. I called my sister to come to the vet's office, as I knew she would want to say goodbye. We got to sit with him on the lawn in the sunshine for a half hour or so and then we took him inside.

I miss him so much already, the house is quiet, and his toys are sitting there waiting to be played with. We've had him for six years, and he was so much an identifying factor in our lives here in Ottawa. It'll be strange without him.

Life goes on, and I know he's somewhere out there running his little heart out, chasing some poor rabbit.

I love that he was part of our lives for so long, and that he chose us to be his caretakers. We wouldn't be the same without having met him.

Bye little bean pole, we'll miss you. xoxo.

Finally!

After all the recent stresses, our house has finally sold! Our realtor came by tonight and we signed the final papers, and then we went out and changed the sign. Yippee! Now it can all sink in, and I can really start to picture myself moving to the new place. It all seems so much more real now :) I predict a good night's sleep.

Q&A

Q: When is the worst time to find out there is water in your basement?
A: When there is an inspector doing a house inspection on your house that is conditional on the sale of that very same house.

Q: When did we find out there was water in our basement?
A: By phone from the inspector while he was with the house buyer in the basement doing the house inspection that is conditional on the sale of our house.

Fortunately, there wasn't a lot. Fortunately, we now know what the problem is, and it's fixable (the tap to the outside when we attach the hose). Unfortunately, they are now adjusting their offer. We find out today by how much they are adjusting their offering price.


Q: When is the worst time to find your sick dog has had house-training accidents?
A: At 2am after a night out on the town, and also at 8:00am when you are already late for work, and basically any time after you have laid new carpet down in order to help sell your house (see above).

Q: When did we find these same accidents?
A: Yes, those very times, several weeks in a row now.

The dog is feeling worse and worse, and we are facing the fact that we will have to make a life or death decision very soon. My brother-in-law suggested the Health Research Institute's Ottawa Personal Decision Guide. Apparently going through the steps helps one make big decisions related to health - ie. life or death, surgery or not, types of therapies or treatments, etc. - looking at pros and cons, and figuring out which works best for you. I'll keep you updated.

going, going, GONE!

The house is conditionally sold!!! Yippee. We got a good price, and the closing date we wanted and everything just seem to fall into place in the right way. Kewl, as my boss would say. We need to wait on the other people's finances and a house inspection, and after that we are free to feel to start packing up. Well, knowing me and my need for deadlines, there is no way I will be packing up 6 weeks in advance, but just to know that I COULD if I wanted to is good enough. :)

gimme closure!

two offers, first one rejected, second one countered, two new offers, second one rejected, first one countered, way more showings, hopeful for more offers!

Monopoly anyone?

gimme shelter

So... I put my business "officially" on hiatus for a little while. With all the house stuff that's going on, I haven't had time to do the things I wanted to do this spring. They will have to wait until summer. I am going to be adding a lot of different products to the business and have been wanting to come up with things that have more of a unified look to the things I sell, so I'll be working on designs and colour schemes. In the meantime, since my craft room is now in the basement, and needs to stay super neat and tidy till the house sells, I'll only be doing a few little things here and there. Oh yes, two sets of my friends are getting married this summer, so I'll be working on their invitations, and some lovely wedding dresses for myself (dresses to wear to the weddings), but the rest will have to wait.

On wedding news, one of my oldest and dearest friends Emily got married on Groundhog Day this year! What a great way to make an over-looked holiday more special! :) She is also expecting a baby girl in June and I couldn't be more happy for her.

When I was busy getting the house ready to go on the market, I didn't have much time to think (a good thing with me!!) but since then I've been thinking about the houses in my recent life. Our first place in Ottawa was a smallish apartment in a 1980s lowrise complex. It was the place where we lived while we settled in here. It was not homey, and felt very much like student living, even though we tried to make it homier. However, I was busy starting my Master's and Arek was busy working on contract work (oh, the days of the computer boom here where contracts just fell into his lap...). I was so busy that year, we didn't take much time for anything else. Once in a while we'd go out, but it took me a full couple of years before we could drive around town without a map. We only knew our way to our friends' places, the university, the job site, and the bars we liked. I don't really miss that place, except for the entertainment we got from the people who lived below us, who spent every evening out on their balcony smoking pot and weezing and coughing and giggling their way through their conversations. Oh yes, it was also the year of the ice storm here. I didn't like Ottawa much in this place, but I also didn't know it very well.

The following year we rented a whole house near the experimental farm. It was great! Two stories, three bedrooms, bright and airy, wood floors, and a great back yard. The garden the first year was my best one yet. Lots of tomatoes, and other vegetables, a HUGE pumpkin that threatened to overtake the house (it took both of us and a wheelbarrow to bring it to the front of the house and decorate it for halloween!), and lots of flowers. Oh yes, and a cute willow arbour I made at a workshop. The garden was my haven - it's where I sat and sipped tea, and gin and tonics, and where I brought my laptop and wrote my entire Master's thesis (all 300 pages!). It's also the place where we had one of the big parties for our wedding, where we got engaged, and where we surprised my parents for their 40th anniversary with all the family. It's where I turned 30 and loved it! It's where I practised my tap dancing for my classes on the hard linoleum floor in the basement, and where we brought little Wally home to (our dog). He'd sit keeping guard at the front door all day long, or lay in the sun in the back and chase butterflies, or nuzzle the little dog next door through the fence. It's also the last house my dad stayed in before he died, and it's the place where I took a year off from everything dealing with some of the grief and anger and craziness of that period. It's also where I got really sick, but then started recovering. I really liked this house, it was a light-filled house and it took care of my body and soul.

We bought our next and current house, because we felt we were wasting too much money on rent, and felt it was time to make an investment. We looked for and bought this house when I was sick, and moved while I was still recovering. As I look around now, I see this house as a cocoon. It was a shelter for me in my recovery, but in a different way than the light and airy house we had before. It's been much more of a hibernation and inward-looking place for me. It's allowed me to get better physically, but it's also let me fall into many an emotional rut. I've become much more of a hermit here, and feel that I've cut myself off from much of my life while I've been here. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it was necessary for me at the time. It's been a place where I've searched deeper inside to find the "real" me, and often came up empty-handed, cuz I was looking too hard, and forgot to just BE me. It's been a place where I started to hate Ottawa, and my place here, and the things I was doing, because I wasn't happy myself. But, it's also been a place where I gently pulled back from that, and allowed myself to be freer and more creative that I have in many many years. It's also the place I realized I was unhappy in my relationship, and took steps to become happier and more alive in that same relationship, to make it something we both wanted to be a part of. It's been tough living here, but good. As I look down the hallway, I realize the parallel all this has with my bedroom placement - we're in a split level, and the bedrooms are on the lower level, half above and half below ground. A good grounding and hibernating spot if I've ever seen one!

So, now, we are moving at the end of June, to a two-storey house again, with a bedroom that has a deck where I can look out at the treetops and up at the sky, and a stone fireplace for grounding and snuggling in front of. The best of two worlds :) It's got places for both our creative outlets, and space for more if we want. I feel more energetic now that I have in a while, and I'm ready to live more fully. It's funny, since this house is a lot farther out of town than we are now, but I have a feeling I'm going to be more social there. I'm excited about having friends and family out for the entire day, walking in the area, and making big meals together. I'm excited about new ideas for my business, and I'm excited to have new spaces to make new memories.

Each place has been perfect for what I needed it to be at that time. I know my next place will be perfect in whatever capacity it needs to be. I'm excited to settle in together.